Entries for June, 2004
June 2, 2004 , 12:27 AM
PumpkinSeed
You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.
What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
hmmm....
....
.....that'll be fun! Gotta try it sometime!
~sigh~
Currently Listening to: New Order's "True Faith"
Currently Reading: ~Autumn_Star's tab
Currently Watching:
Currently Feeling: a lack of oxygen
Whadduya feelin?
June 2, 2004 , 02:28 AM
PumpkinSeed
sitting here 4:55am
5:11 or so my dad's alarm rings.
I've been mad tired since like 1am
yet here I am
...seemingly wide awake....I know I'm not - but I seem to be...
I miss....I miss writing while almost asleep - if not sleep writing....that's the best...
is that my drug?
one of my drugs?
I won't booze up - I aint into that - for whatever reasons ....but am I any different?
yes the drug..the high- the dazed of not sleeping...
but that's not why I'm here...
no - just want to share some thoughts for some reason
I still want to trust you.
I still want to be able to speak...yes SPEAK and be loved - even if I'm heard!!
THANK YOU to all my friends - especially Ko and the rest of my Pathways buddies encouraging me to keep outta Andrew Land.
I dono - I'm still too much in my head - not reaching out enuff....but this has been an interesting week or 2 or whatever - finally starting to share from the hear...in public writing, etc.
nice
but there's more
more to share
more than writing - and photos - and Audio and vids too..
me.
I still don't trust you.
but I'm not gonna let that stop me...
the reward is too big
the pain is too much to keep it to me...
...yes there is pain out here too....but at least it's a pain I can now feel....
...I had become comforably numb....ouch! The pain came in the moments where the numbness was breached.....what kind of pain?....lonliness and regret of corse!
what? I can feel????
interesting....
nice
it's good.
...imagine - others
no - don't need to imagine.... so many people today.....not feeling.....
....no wonder the violence
...no wonder the rape
...no wonder the self mutilation - they want to feel something - just ask Trent Rez.
anything!
feel something - know we're real - ,,,,alive!?!?!?!
why?
yes - sad to think some people think of humans as matter - chemicals, and carbon, and whatever..
freakin sad.
I'm soo glad for you, Theo -I read yer positing about that - .......
crap - already 5:10am
crap
just when I was......am
Just as I am.
sigh
My life rules!
LIFE RULES!
If you can't feel it - trust me - stick in there - it's worth the wait....and it's in your power....it's ALL in your power....trust me!
heh heh
I know you don't.
but that's ok - I understand. I don't trust you eather....
well
maybe.
I need to find a single word for when I slowly breathe in Deep, hold or a second or 3, then slowly out.
there's gotta be a word for it....perhaps not in english - that's ok with me.
perhaps in tagalog?
I gotta learn that - then again it's kinda fun just reading it and guessing what it's meaning.
heh heh
yeah - I'm still avoiding certain topics. - surprise
maybe I should? or maybe just leave out names?
heh heh
:\
so yeah - I've just read a bunch more of Autum Star's writings.... I find them so....................................................................what the heck is it?
powerful
intimate
genuine
loving
natural
beautiful
sad
.....REAL
so yeah - how's it feel knowing someone is reading your writings?
I know what it means to me for you to read this - all of you.
I'm feeling now.
I don't feel comfortable talking about it - not with YOU anyway.
dozed and....not .....well a little..........
yay dozez!
dream-typing!
ahh - ok - dad just got up
"ANDREW!"
heh heh
ok - bedtime!
THANK YOU!
THANK YOU ALL!
I LOVE YOU TOO!!
~Seed
"My soul is craving tonight
to worship, to breathe You inside."
Currently Listening to: Sam Cintron's Songs From the Secret Place.
Currently Reading: even more of Autum_Star's writings.
Currently Watching:
Currently Feeling: dazed dizzied dozed +)
2 insights Xpresed
June 2, 2004 , 01:52 PM
PumpkinSeed
I get this feeling I'm in motion
A sudden sense of liberty
I don't care 'cause I'm not there
And I don't care if I'm here tomorrow
I used to think that the day would never come
I'd see delight in the shade of the morning sun
My morning sun is the drug that brings me near
To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear
I used to think that the day would never come
That my life would depend on the morning sun...
SING IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Currently Listening to: New Order's
Currently Reading: my cover lettre to the Renaissance Hotel HR lady
Currently Watching:
Currently Feeling: warm
2 insights Xpresed
