PumpkinSeed.tk ~ Where usta abounds
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Like a love without devotion, like a cloud without the rain; Like a heart without emotion, like a wound without the pain. Like a prayer without an answer, like a bird without a song; Like a hope without a future, like a night without the dawn. Without You, I am nothing; I am nothing without You; Only You can make something out of nothing; I am nothing without You. ~PAUL & RITA BALOCHE
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June 2, 2004 , 02:28 AM

PumpkinSeed

thoughts....feelings...expressed?
blah

sitting here 4:55am

5:11 or so my dad's alarm rings.

I've been mad tired since like 1am

yet here I am

...seemingly wide awake....I know I'm not - but I seem to be...

I miss....I miss writing while almost asleep - if not sleep writing....that's the best...

is that my drug?

one of my drugs?

I won't booze up - I aint into that - for whatever reasons ....but am I any different?

yes the drug..the high- the dazed of not sleeping...

but that's not why I'm here...

no - just want to share some thoughts for some reason

I still want to trust you.

I still want to be able to speak...yes SPEAK and be loved - even if I'm heard!!

THANK YOU to all my friends - especially Ko and the rest of my Pathways buddies encouraging me to keep outta Andrew Land.


I dono - I'm still too much in my head - not reaching out enuff....but this has been an interesting week or 2 or whatever - finally starting to share from the hear...in public writing, etc.

nice

but there's more

more to share
more than writing - and photos - and Audio and vids too..



me.





I still don't trust you.


but I'm not gonna let that stop me...

the reward is too big

the pain is too much to keep it to me...

...yes there is pain out here too....but at least it's a pain I can now feel....


...I had become comforably numb....ouch! The pain came in the moments where the numbness was breached.....what kind of pain?....lonliness and regret of corse!


what? I can feel????

interesting....

nice

it's good.

...imagine - others

no - don't need to imagine.... so many people today.....not feeling.....
....no wonder the violence

...no wonder the rape

...no wonder the self mutilation - they want to feel something - just ask Trent Rez.

anything!

feel something - know we're real - ,,,,alive!?!?!?!

why?

yes - sad to think some people think of humans as matter - chemicals, and carbon, and whatever..

freakin sad.

I'm soo glad for you, Theo -I read yer positing about that - .......

crap - already 5:10am

crap
just when I was......am

Just as I am.


sigh

My life rules!





LIFE RULES!


If you can't feel it - trust me - stick in there - it's worth the wait....and it's in your power....it's ALL in your power....trust me!



heh heh


I know you don't.

but that's ok - I understand. I don't trust you eather....

well


maybe.



I need to find a single word for when I slowly breathe in Deep, hold or a second or 3, then slowly out.


there's gotta be a word for it....perhaps not in english - that's ok with me.

perhaps in tagalog?

I gotta learn that - then again it's kinda fun just reading it and guessing what it's meaning.




heh heh


yeah - I'm still avoiding certain topics. - surprise

maybe I should? or maybe just leave out names?


heh heh

:\



so yeah - I've just read a bunch more of Autum Star's writings.... I find them so....................................................................what the heck is it?


powerful
intimate
genuine
loving
natural
beautiful
sad
.....REAL


so yeah - how's it feel knowing someone is reading your writings?

I know what it means to me for you to read this - all of you.

I'm feeling now.

I don't feel comfortable talking about it - not with YOU anyway.



dozed and....not .....well a little..........

yay dozez!

dream-typing!


ahh - ok - dad just got up

"ANDREW!"

heh heh

ok - bedtime!

THANK YOU!

THANK YOU ALL!

I LOVE YOU TOO!!

~Seed

"My soul is craving tonight
to worship, to breathe You inside."

Currently Listening to: Sam Cintron's Songs From the Secret Place.
Currently Reading: even more of Autum_Star's writings.
Currently Watching:
Currently Feeling: dazed dizzied dozed +)
2 insights Xpresed

===============================================

Want to comment with Tabulas?. Please login.

Comment posted on June 2nd, 2004 at 10:38 AM
learning tagalog is really fun! its easier than french! i can teach you if you want to! ;)
Comment posted on June 2nd, 2004 at 12:34 PM
:blush:

thank you....

...but only if it\'s also easier than italian.

eek -:scared: bad memories!!


bad?

well - less than plesant.

I\'d be honored.

~LuvSeed

PumpkinSeed
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