PumpkinSeed.tk ~ Where usta abounds

Seed's currently feeling

Like a love without devotion, like a cloud without the rain; Like a heart without emotion, like a wound without the pain. Like a prayer without an answer, like a bird without a song; Like a hope without a future, like a night without the dawn. Without You, I am nothing; I am nothing without You; Only You can make something out of nothing; I am nothing without You. ~PAUL & RITA BALOCHE

August 4, 2004 , 02:53 PM favorite

PumpkinSeed

=) Just read all of my Intuition Journal from when I started it, November 16th, 2003 up till March 16th, 2004.

I feel awakened.

I'm super greatful that I wrote all that. I learned so much reading back over it. Things I'd forgotten...feelings....fears...etc.

heh heh

I see all these repressed and hidden feelings....and I'm less afraid of them now.

For those who haven't figured it out by now, I've been afraid to express love....among other things. I've been keping back from telling 2 gurls in particular what I think & feel for them. Basically, I like one, but don't know her, and I love the other, but don't think we're compatable.

Good Lord, what a waste of time, and energy, and anxiety, etc etc etc!

just putting it togther, I began to write in my Intuition Journal, but think it's better I share it with you:

I don't trust ______. - To be able to accept my love, and handle it in a way that doesn't hurt her, or our frienship
I don't trust me. - to say the "right thing" to make everyone know the truth, and still feel good.
I don't trust ______. - To like me back. - I might loose her..or loose the chance to have her as a friend.
I don't trust God. - that He is watching over me, and protecting me, and gonna provide the BEST for me.
I don't trust my intuition. - That there's a good reason I like and love these gals.

I gotta stop judging you - imagining how you'll react.
Imagining there is a right and wrong way to react, and I'm afriad you'll react wrong

When I know better.

The way you react...determines the truth of the matter....and we find out what was ment to be instead of wondering.

I now let you be free to know. I let you be free to react, and express and let me know you.

There's a phrase I leaned when I went to "HOTLANTA":

"You cant say the right thing to the wrong person
and you can't say the wrong thing to the right person"

I get it now. I gotta let people be who they are - I gotta stop pre-judging, and assuming, and not let them make their own decisions.

I've been too attached to the outcome, instead of being attached to the possiblilities!

(my friend, Mike taught me that one in May)

I love you.

I like you.

Sorry for hiding.

I acept you for however you react - it's not wrong or right. It's the way it was ment to be. =)