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Seed's currently feeling

Like a love without devotion, like a cloud without the rain; Like a heart without emotion, like a wound without the pain. Like a prayer without an answer, like a bird without a song; Like a hope without a future, like a night without the dawn. Without You, I am nothing; I am nothing without You; Only You can make something out of nothing; I am nothing without You. ~PAUL & RITA BALOCHE

August 28, 2004 , 08:01 PM favorite

PumpkinSeed

my life my life is in a state of distraction and confusion....

well

no.

no more confusion.

today the confusion has finally been destroyed.

my distractions?

heh

well my old distractions have one BIG distraction right now.

LIFE.

I am living. I am free.

I am awake.

I am exposed.

I am loved.

I AM FEELING.

no - much more than just feeling.

I mean.......I KNOW what I'm feeling is REAL.

I'm feeling LIFE.

I'm such a babe when it comes to this. I hope to grow IN it, not OUT of it.

I WILL NOT GROW OUT OF IT.

Growing out if it is impossible....that's not growing!!!!

I THANK YOU. I could not do it alone. I did not do it alone...even when I thought I was doing it alone.

and I aint even talkin about God this time. Yeah -He's totally been by my side...and He's all I ever needed.

but there you were too - we did it together.

All of you.

Dozens of you. Supporting me in ways most of you didn't have a clue.

and the few certain YOU's... I will never forget.

.....And then there was you.

YOU! YES YOU! Y. O. U., YOU!.

what can I say?

I've said so much in so little time.

You who knew me before you knew me.

You're not getting to know me. you do.

I felt you from the start. You've been where I didn't know existed.

you have showed me me, and continue to reveal more of me to me every moment.

You have given me the tools to live, and showed me how to use them.

You are part of me.

You reside in my heart. You have danced with my mind. Your eyes have filled mine.

...

You touch in our dreams. You live in my songs. Your soul nourishes mine.

...

I am humbled at everything you are.

Does anyone deserve such a gift?

I am distracted.

I am destroying my life.

for once...in bliss.

forgive me for not loving me.

forgive me for the pain I cause.

I will get up soon.

I have to stay here a short while longer.

just one more day. Sunday.

Give me one more day. It's so nice here...without responsibilities....destroying myself.

I've done it for 12 years for no good reason.

I've done it for 10 years for my own lusts...the worst possible reason.

can I have one week for the right reason?

one 8-day week for love?

just one more day?