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Seed's currently feeling

Like a love without devotion, like a cloud without the rain; Like a heart without emotion, like a wound without the pain. Like a prayer without an answer, like a bird without a song; Like a hope without a future, like a night without the dawn. Without You, I am nothing; I am nothing without You; Only You can make something out of nothing; I am nothing without You. ~PAUL & RITA BALOCHE

September 3, 2004 , 09:37 AM

PumpkinSeed

I forgive me? This morning... I sat in my bedroom.

I felt a need to address some things in my life that I thought I forgave myself for...but the more I thought of my past, the harder I was on me, and the more regrets I felt.

I thought I had to forgive me.

I remembered an excersize Mike Melia guided us through in "Hotlanta" a short while back, and thought it might be good to try it on myself. I pulled out my notes, and did it....well a variation of it - customized for me...by me.

I was expecting to forgive me.

I didn't.

I found myself seeing the "good" and "bad" of my past - differnt people, opportunties, and actions.

seeing where I made a difference for better, for worse, and where I let life pass me by. - not making a difference.

I was expecting to see a lot of where I screwed up. I saw some, but it didn't overwhelm me like I expected.

It was all in my past...and it really didn't matter that much..

why?

because right in front of me is so much...

new people
new opportunities
old opportunities I'm fortunate enough to get a second chance at....to right my wrongs.

but if I look @ my past, the thing in front of me will immidiately be in my past...and I'll have missed out.

so I look at the here and now, and embrace it

love it.

live it.

and let it go.

why must I let it go?? because if I don't I'll miss out on:

new people
new opportunities
old opportunities I'm fortunate enough to get a second chance at....to right my wrongs.

that are heading my way in a few moments.

If I don't let go....if I look to my past....I'll live in regret of today and tomorrow that I let pass me by.

I love you.
I appreciate you.

I hope you're in my life tomorrow.

but I let you go, so when tomorrow comes, I'll be there for whoever is there...perhaps you

so do I forgive me?

what is forgiveness?

if it's letting go of my past, then...

I'm forgiving me every moment I'm living and loving for today, and tomorrow.

I got up. I opened my eyes.

I heard my mum coming up the steps.

She thought she was coming up to do something....

She was coming up so I could hug her.

Love you.

~Seed

Currently Listening to: Pearl Jam - Present Tense
Currently Reading: Mark, Chapter 10!! =)
Currently Watching:
Currently Feeling: in the moment
2 insights Xpresed

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Autumn_Star

Comment posted on September 5th, 2004 at 10:52 PM

im really glad your starting to realize this. its so nice to just love and surround yourself with positive things. i wish i could be there to give you a big hug...but for now i'll just have to give you 10 hugs by clicking that thingie on top of your page :)

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PumpkinSeed

Comment posted on September 6th, 2004 at 09:19 AM

awww :heart:

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