PumpkinSeed
67% Battery Life....12 hours since I got unplugged.
I...I want to look at you.
more than that, I want to hold you...comfort you.
I want to hear your voice...again....and this time listen.
I want to see your face...again...and this time see.
I long to to know your physical/mental/emotional struggles.
...and I would love to know your spiritual struggles!
I already know your your nationality
your ethnicity
your age
your marital status
if you have a boyfriend
if your a virgin
and none of it matters one bit.
I still long to know....all you think about me,
I dont want to hear how busy you are
but instead what your job is....if it's your passion....or your pain.
I know bits of your "history", your decisions...your mistakes...your lucky moments...the "good" that you've done...the "bad" too!...
Mine didn't matter, and neither does yours!!!
I'm still curious of your hobbies...your financial status, your style of clothing...favourite book...
(By the way, you got impecable taste in music)
I know my love is real.
I'm sorry I judged you.
I want to know you.
YOU! YES YOU! Y. O. U., YOU!
because when I know YOU....there's no way on earth that I could possibly judge you....and not accept you.
When I know YOU, I can't help but to love you.
I always have.
I'm afraid something is getting in the way of that love.
the stuff
the distractions
the things I like and dislike....the things I falsly associated to mean or reflect YOU.
I dont mind being physically attracted to you anymore.
That's right - I still love you even though I like you!!!!!!!!
But cuz I liked you...I idealize you...dreamt about you, and wished for you, and made you into this potentially perfect.....Galatea .....a fake...love.
I missed out on
you.
But I still loved you.
59% 2:34pm....
you're worth it. even if I were never plugged in again...!
YES YOU!
58%
57%
I did my best...
but still fell back a little.
to where I saw you as __ and__.
when I thought you ____.
when I heard you, but couldn't listen.
when I labeled you as______.....one of THEM.
when I believed you didn't feel what you said you did.
when I believed I didn't really matter to you.
when I believed you were better than me
when I believed I was better than you.
when I envied you.
when I pittied you.
when I believed your lies to youreslf.
when I believed my lies.
when I didn't trust God.
when I took you for granted.
when I didn't love myself.
when I dismissed you.
when I obsessed over you.
when I couldn't get enough of what I thought was you.
when I labeled you as just possibly THE ONE....
all along just trying to know you, and be known.
55%
I'm not sorry that I trusted you.
I'm not sorry that I still do...
-----
54% 2:50pm
I'm not sorry I was finally able to read your entry and feel it. I always wanted to.
to visit
to understand
I'm just starting to understand you, and what you felt....so that I can one day genuinely say "I undestand you", and you can take comfort in that reassurance that wow - someone understands me!
53%
there's more....
I love you.
I'm online to post this even though I need to take my medicine....it's already 40 minutes late.
I accept you.
I'm in Rutherford now. parked where I could find a WIFI internet signal. it's a low signal...
but good enough.
I respect you.
I might even enjoy my day.
I miss you.
52%
sitting in the shade of the morning sun. feeling the most awake in my life.
I feel you.
Copying...pasting....
I caught a glimpse of you.
50%
adding final touches
I thank you.
Currently Listening to: Benjamin Gideon-I Want To Know You(by Andy Park)
Currently Reading: http://www.tabulas.com/~Autumn_Star/475702.html
Currently Watching:
Currently Feeling: a little less thana 59
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remedy
PumpkinSeed
Autumn_Star
PumpkinSeed
I'm sorry.