PumpkinSeed
eh
blah blah blah
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so I just spent....um- hours browsing tab, and doin other nice...but not uber important things. sposed to be working on my transcription work.
Actually there is a ton of stuff I wanna blog about lately.
blah blah blah
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blog blog blog.
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lotsa great things happenin in my lil life lately....and when people ask me how things are going - WHAT'S UP? ...i usually go pretty blank, and feel almost embarased that I can't tell them I've been doing (get this) a JOB!
no job? no college? no money? yer still not successfl with yer businss? then what the hell are U good for??
heh heh - yeah - crap like that runs through my head even tho I KNOW I'm like in one of the greatest moments of my life! the past months have been amazing.
It's weird tho...
how can I explaine it? I feel super successful and super loozer at the same time...
all cuz of $, and socioty - can U belive that crap?
bleh.
my inital spur to get me to start this entry was just a lil note I wanted to pass yer way.
Just a note to say...I'm done just being a spectator.
yeah.
I got stuff to be doing...more and more...and it doesn't involve much spectating....tho it does involve a lot of listening. :rossperot:
I still got plenty of anxiety for the stuff I gotta do...but I got a peace knowing I'm on the right track, and I'm not the one in controll anyway....well less and less in controll.
It's not my call anymore.
Dang, that's hard. ...but I know He's got my best interest in mind. Just...learning to trust. He's always been uber faithful with the lil trust I've given Him. Now He wants it all. dang.
sigh
...scared a bit still.
dang.I love you.
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I can type those 3 words lately. It's not so hard anymore.
2night, I was faced with them from someone on the phone....and...I couldn't respond with those 3 words back to them.
It's still so hard to get em outta my mouth....
still got risks 2 take - plenty of em.
I wanna close my eyes when I take my risks. It makes it easier...but now...I force my eyes open....to stay BIG. To fully embrace and see that which I'm so afraid of....to...fully acknoledge it, to get over it, and perhaps most importantly, to be IN THE MOMENT - REALLY THERE, experiencing life!
DIE, ANXIETY, DIE!
anxiety...is the death of all things love.
DIE, ANXIETY, DIE!
perhaps...I need to make a display of all the anxieties I've killed already. To show to others, and myself their true nature....lies.
perhaps....Tabulas is that display case?
thanx for browsing.
~luvseed
Currently Listening to: Lisa Loeb - Snow Day
Currently Reading: http://www.lisaloeb.org/
Currently Watching:
Currently Feeling: safe
Whadduya feelin?
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