PumpkinSeed
The thing I want U to read the most, I'm creating a CONTENT page for it, so click below to read it, okie?
It's a really great lil Essay I found on hundun's blog by a dude. I found a lot of it hit home from my recient experiences, and hope it can guide me for my future ones:
Partners and Marriage by Kent Nerburn
it sux how we only learn so much from what we read....it's experiences that really teach us to a point where we remember the lessons learned to guide our path....but just once in a while we can remember something we read to guide us.
now If you dont have much time, read that instead of the rest of this entry, okie?
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Aight....so here's the thing.
I'm sitting on my bed!!!!
my own freakin bed!!!!
heh heh. for those who don't know, I haven't slept on my bed since like.....March or so.
lets see if I can keep this brief:
I wuz told to move from my old bedroom on the 1st floor to the guest room on the 2nd floor so my parets could use my bedroom to extend theirs, but I kept putting it off....
One day in March or so, I decided to take all the clothes in my bedroom,
and fold them, sort them, and put them away....so I threw all the clothes on my workbench: My BED! But I got distracted, and when it was time to go to bed, I wasn't about to clear off my bed, so I just slept on the couch. Day after day, I didn't feel like bothering to deal with my clothes, so I kept sleepin on the couch!
Before I knew it, I developed a new scheduel, and all of a sudden, my life was better! I was waking up earlier, getting outta the house sooner, almost showing up on time for school, and just getting outta the house a lot! My life was good. I was out - I was livin....and I credit part of it to Pathways Advanced, and...sleepin on the couch! I no longer felt the trapped, stuck feeling I had when I slept in my bedroom...and woke in my bedroom...and just wanted to sleep more, or otherwise occupy myself in that room. So this went on for months.
Eventually I got motivated one day to work on the new bedroom upstairs. I moved all the furniature out, and cleaned the floor...and was happy to have my own bedroom again.
....but no bed!! So I began using my sleeping bag! It wasn't so bad, but my back wasn't too happy either.Eventually I got a burst of motivation again, and decided to Paint my room....so I had to clear out the sleeping bag, and lil furniature I had.
Painting took ...what was it? A month or so?
So all that time, I was back on the couch!
Of corse all along, sometimes I'd sleep @ 'Becca's house, or even @ FDU once! Last semester, I'd often sleep on campus, or sometimes in the car...sometimes just dozing off @ The Coach House.
Then I got another burst of motivation, and I finally put the tiles on my floor! =) =) NOW! I CAN SLEEP IN HERE AGAIN! =)
So what did I do? Bring back the sleeping bag, and a full-sized massage pad I bought at a flea Market. Eventually I switched to just using the massage pad, and a blankie.
Soon I realized, the massage pad wasn't the best idea ...It had these hard lumps in it (the electric massagers) that were applyng pressure in parts of me that...well weren't making me feel good.....and it started getting pretty dirty from being on the floor, so I went back to the couch often! Now I didn't always want to sleep downstairs, so sometimes I'd sleep in the back , sitting on the chair, with my head on the desk...someteims with a pillow and even a blankie. Other nights, I'd fall asleep in my bedroom on the Nylon Lawn Chair in crazy positions.
All along, I've had much luv, and support from Pavla
and my Leadership buddies to get this job done. oh yeah - my brother, and parents too!So for a few weeks, my parents have really been on my case to get the bed upstairs....but I kept puttin it off...more. Then this past week, even my friend, Nyssa
was on my case. She gave me a concept I never thought of! She said to just toss all the clothes off the bed so I could sleep on it in the old bedroom! 
why the heck didn't I think of that? I guess I just never wanted to ever sleep in that room again!Well finally that night, my brother helped me by clearing off the bed by tossing all the clothes into a plastic bin. The next day, dad took the mattress and box-sptring outside to air out.
My mum sprayed vinegar and vacumed the mattress, so later I took them in & vacumed the box-spring (using headphones so my ears wouldn't ring again). So I decide to carry up the box-spring....and I can't get it around the turn at the top of the steps, so I leave it on the stairs! So another night I stay @ Becca's house. I come home round 6am to see that pop got the box-spring in my room!!
So I bring up the mattress and toss it on top!WOOHOO!!
I step back....and I look.....
and I notice what I'm feeling
"I feel freedom."
freedom??? huh? Why do I feel a sence of freedom from looking at a bed and box-spring?
freedom...to live in my room? to not be lost?
security?
hmm...
And what's the first thing I do when I'm on my bed again? I lay on it face down, and start drumming on it with my hands, like I've always done. It's been so long!
well - I slept on my bed Election Night!
So yesterday, inspired by Kaith, I blast, and
along with Silverchair's "Freak Show" album, and realized I musta only listened to it once, cuz many of the songs seemed new to me....not a bad song on the album! Thanx, Kaith!!! So after feelin the music, I get another burst of energy and motivation, I get some scented candles burning in my room, and across the attic, and I setup my bed-frame, 2 nice speakers, and my old Tube amp
up in my bedroom, plug-in a cd-player, and again, BLAST FREAK SHOW!!! +) USTA!So now I'm set. I got a bed, a sceneted candle, and music I can FEEL!!!!!
The high life!
now if only I can get myself outta my bedroom.......
Currently Listening to: Silverchair - Learn to Hate
Currently Reading: I almost read a book today!
Currently Watching:
Currently Feeling: Freedom!!!
Whadduya feelin?
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