PumpkinSeed.tk ~ Where usta abounds

Seed's currently feeling

Like a love without devotion, like a cloud without the rain; Like a heart without emotion, like a wound without the pain. Like a prayer without an answer, like a bird without a song; Like a hope without a future, like a night without the dawn. Without You, I am nothing; I am nothing without You; Only You can make something out of nothing; I am nothing without You. ~PAUL & RITA BALOCHE

November 30, 2004 , 06:39 PM

PumpkinSeed

I got Id? so I start to empty out my old room - TONIGHT'S S`POSED TO BE THE NIGHT IT'Z DONE!

So I need to get some music blasting

and I pull out...the sacred disc.

Pearl Jam's Merkinball

the 2 track disc, I dare only play only so often cuz my favourite song is on it, and I can't bear to hear it too often.

but this time was different.

I played my song, "I Got Id"....

and I was feeling it....

...and it was going against everythig in me.

and I realized how lucky I am.

for the lyrics I used to empathize with....seemed so foreign to me now.

I don't lie alone anymore - I know now I'm never alone.

my memories....they're not so painful.

My life doesn't have an advantage on me....I'm the one with the advantage - I'm in controll now! (tho not often a good steward of it)

My shell wasn't easy to crack, and it was never empty...but now it's been removed.

If just once, I could feel loved
Oh, stare back at me, yeah...

dang.

freakin dang.

it's been way more than once....I do feel loved now.
and I've been stared back at.

dang.

so many years not believing that could ever happen to me.

=')

dang.

but there are 2 parts that still ring true for me...

my poop still don't show....not in my everyday world....but I let it hang out a bit with some friends now, and also on tabby.

=) Thanx guyz, for hearing/reading me out. Priceless.

and lastly...

"I paid the price, never held you in real life..."

that still may be true for me.....but I know it's only for a time.

I will hold you some day.

I love you.

=========================================

My lips are shakin', my nails are bit off
Been a month since I've heard myself talk
All the advantage this life's got on me
Picture a cup in the middle of the sea

And I fight back in my mind...
Never let's me be right, oh...
I got memories, I got *poop*
So much it don't show...

I walked the line
When you held me in that night
I walked the line
When you held my hand that night...

An empty shell seems so easy to crack
Got all these questions, don't know who I could even ask
So I'll just lie alone and wait for the dream
Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me

And I'll stay in a bed
Oh, goodbye, I've seen him
If just once, I could feel loved
Oh, stare back at me, yeah...

But I walked the line
When you held me in that night
Oh, I walked the line
When you held my hand that night
Oh, I walked the line
Whne you held me close at night
I paid the price, never held you in real life...

My life's so shaken

=========================================

"My life's so shaken"???

no - my life's so on track now, it's rediculous.

Praise God!

yeah.

He rocks.

~luvseed