PumpkinSeed.tk ~ Where usta abounds

Seed's currently feeling

Like a love without devotion, like a cloud without the rain; Like a heart without emotion, like a wound without the pain. Like a prayer without an answer, like a bird without a song; Like a hope without a future, like a night without the dawn. Without You, I am nothing; I am nothing without You; Only You can make something out of nothing; I am nothing without You. ~PAUL & RITA BALOCHE

April 2, 2005 , 10:50 AM Introspections

PumpkinSeed

called but stalled I kneel on my bed and pray in my pillow. Sara Groves doing her thing on my speakers, tickling my ears with her usta.

I pray I don't get a job that leads me away from God's will/my purpose

then I remember/realize.....only 2 people are in controll of my future:

God & ME

that's it. not a job - not $, and not even my parents!

I AM IN CONTROL

GOD IS IN CONTROL

I need not worry/fear mistakes, or even being off track....cuz I HAVE THE CONTROL to get back on track, in the right direction when I see where I'm wrong. I AM NOT A VICTIM OF ANYTHING!

I don't get "any job" cuz I see left & right people called of God who are "trapped" at their jobs. I REFUSE TO BE TRAPPED!

but I don't know where to be either.....

but now I know.... I CANNOT BE TRAPPED BY ANY JOB! IT IS IMPOSSIBLE! I ALWAYZ have the option to leave to do what I NEED to do.

I didn't take crap from the people @ Stop&Shop who told me I couldn't set my own scheduel. Well I don't need to take crap from anyone who says I can't set my own job! NO ON HAS AUTHORITY OVER ME! I FEAR NO MAN! I FEAR NOT to "LOOSE MY JOB", because, hell - after 10 months of surviving "comfortably" without one, yeah - I know I don't need any particular job. I know I am very capable to get a job any day I want, and IMMIDATELY! The only reason I haven't: ME.

I've been acting in fear. I've been acting without authority. I KNOW I have great value to ANY organization. I know my tallents, skills, abilities, education, and training. I know God will bless me where I let Him.

I'm wondering around, fearful of whom I will surrender my authority of my life and my time over to. Who is worthy to have authoity over my life? That's the boss I'll choose.

HELL NO! I ALONE HAVE, AND WILL HAVE THAT AUTHORITY!

I may choose to work for someone, and submit humbly before them to get their job/wishes done....but not from authority over me! But from respect, and doing what's right in that circumstance. I WILL NOT FEAR HAVING THE "WRONG" JOB ANYMORE!

I WILL GET ME A JOB VERY SOON! no more of this fearful crap.

I WILL NOT REPEAT THE MISTAKES OF OTHERS: surrendering my purpose to a job. I won't fear that mistake anymore.

I FINALLY spent some time today in prayer over which Job He wants me to get.....well....no answer yet, but I know I need not wait for His answer - I need a job today! And when He answers, God help me, I'm going after it, no matter ____!

God help me.

oh great - now "Good morning George" is playing. HA! no coincidence! "...we work the whole week through to make a buck or two so we can send it home to our families..."

Currently Listening to: Sara Groves-"Remember Surrender" & "Song of Salama.....SOLOMON"
Currently Reading: Intuition2.pwd
Currently Watching: my iRiver SlimX remote's display
Currently Feeling: set
Whadduya feelin?