Entries in category "Introspections"
January 5, 2008 , 10:16 PM Introspections
PumpkinSeed
Alas, we've found our solace: The Internet, where we discover that we're not alone at being alone, and that yes, we're quite unique....but not as unique as we thought we were.
God has graciously sprinkled us about the Earth to provide all those unique things we do, think and feel to keep the rest of mankind balanced.
I know that's a bold and possibly arrogant thing to say....but it speaks to God's wisdom, and OUR INHERENT RESPONSIBILITY (should you not reject the call) to live life to the fullest, and live it out well.
All those thoughts and feelings you wrestle with each day...those aches that bring you down and drive you insane, as you weigh out a myriad of potential possibilities of this that and the other, and wonder which is the BEST/Most appropriate choice or action to take....there's a reason you think this way, and it's not just for you.
My words of advice as your brother INFP'er: yes - get to know yourself - don't dare get stuck in a lifestyle where you have no personal (solo) time, as YOU NEED THAT. On the other hand, keep yourself open:
1. Learn from people with different views - you may be the "perceptive" one, but sometimes...often we lack the judgment of what to do with those perceptions. Yes, make decisions for yourself in the end, but realize others may be better and quicker at making judgments. Take their quick ideas, and TWEAK THEM with your insights and make some AMAZING decisions with your life. How easy it is for us to get stuck in a loop of indecisive thought!
2. SHARE! Many of us deal with fears of sharing, but there is a world SCARCE of our insights that can really benefit from knowing what you know! Stop standing on the outside while you see others hurting themselves out of ignorance. You see what's wrong, and what could be better - you see what's working and needs to grow. Point it out, and encourage some positive changes in your world.
3. "Let others in"?? Perhaps. More so, LET YOURSELF OUT! Discover those connections with others you never thought was possible! FEEL LOVED for once in your life! It's not about waiting for meeting the "right" person - it's about putting out there who you really are, and gosh, someone will take notice, and show their appreciation for you - the TRUE you that you keep hidden inside!
4. CREATE! Let it out! It's running through you - you see and hear things different than others - turn it into art, poetry, music, dance, etc!! Even if you get stuck with a mundane job, life will be worthwhile when you set time aside into the creative arts. Blog away!
5. Journal. I have one SPECIAL journal, I call it my "Intuition Journal". You know all those thoughts you keep daydreaming about, that you don't want to let go of, and it keeps you very unproductive or disconnected from reality - put it down to paper or your word processor. Keep it under lock and key (or password encryption) so you'll feel free to type ANY thought without fear of judgment from any other human. You'll find this to be a very rewarding exercise as it makes the daydreams & running thoughts TANGIBLE. Now instead of it being something that crippled you from living your life, it can EMPOWER your life! All of a sudden, you have a RELEASE. You won't worry about forgetting that idea you were working on. You'll notice who and what triggers your emotions, and be able to see through the fog at a later date. Your mind will be more free to experience the here and now! You'll finally be able to focus you A.D.D. head, and be present with those around you.
I enjoy having my Intuition Journal as a computer file on my PDA, where I often found myself copying and pasting to e-mails and blogs - sharing my buried emotions and thoughts, for the first time. I may not have been able to say, "I love you"....but I can show you what you mean to me.
6. Where would I be without my friends? I don't have any INFP friends, that I know of....BUT HOW SPECIAL it is to have an ENFP friend!! =) Don't just be the ear - find a friend you feel comfortable TOTALLY opening up to, and that will grant you much sanity!
7. GET A JOB...yes, perhaps even interacting with fellow humans! Yes, I did grow and learn about myself a lot during a year I didn't work.....I have no regrets for that year, but now I'm working 52 hours every week to pay off the debts I racked up then. I have a philosophy where I believe I should be a well-rounded individual, with many kinds of experiences. I've gotten jobs that I knew DIDN'T fit my personality (child-care worker, door-to-door salesman, telemarketer, etc) BUT I'm glad I've had these jobs as they made me a balanced person and a better worker. BUT, do your best to SETTLE into a job that FITS YOU (thus the book, 
). For an INFP, that's a job that provides structure to keep us from wandering or obsessing, yet freedom to do things CREATIVELY, our own way....lest you hate every hour you're clocked in...one third of your adult life!
8. Get Blown away! Let yourself fall in love, get heart broken, take risks, get scared, and share that big heart hidden inside of you with the cold scarey world around you. Go to an INTENSIVE seminar like 
and be challenged to live out those HUGE dreams! And never forget the Dream Giver, the one who made you you. He has a plan for your life. Don't waste it being selfish and upset that nobody understands you.
Love yourself. You were created by a loving Father who wants the best for you. You are a gift to those around you. Don't let that get to your head, but let it get to your heart.
*hugs*
~Andrew
(Originally written for fellow INFP'ers at Bloginality)
Currently Listening to: Station Wagon - Songs for Parents by Sara Groves
Currently Reading: other INFP's on bloginality
Currently Watching: The Cuteness Project!
Currently Feeling: accomplished
Whadduya feelin?
August 8, 2006 , 10:14 AM Introspections
PumpkinSeed
Nope, that's me. No need to retake the test. =)
Interesting how it's so difficult to get anything done in life if it's not Media/Art related, or unless I feel like I'm helping someone (else) out.
So difficult to grasp my own ambitions to work towards.....
.....because I've hesitated to jump into the arts and creatiive thinking fields.
bla bla bla.
miss ya'll =)
~LuvSeed
Currently Listening to: Sammy breathe
Currently Reading: My LiveCareer report
Currently Watching: Sammy doze off
Currently Feeling: about to get another line
Whadduya feelin?
December 3, 2005 , 02:34 AM Introspections
PumpkinSeed
so much good writing. I've read that many great authors were INFP's
Reading it brings but a tear.
I wrote with passion....I was alive even tho I was living in my head and on tabulas....it's still more alive than i'd been before.
VIDA
I was talking then.
but here I am now - even with a job and interacting and stuff.......I feel like my mouth is stuck shut.........
but if I look closer - I see that i am speaking.
......but not from the heart/soul.
so I feel like my mouth is stuck shut, when it's really my heart.
I don't speak from my soul much anymore. I've returned to thinking before I speak.
and I don't want this entry to be a complaint or a place for me to tear myself down.......a kingdom divided against itself.
I feel like I NEED my next inspiration....
then I see my own words:
I've had hopes and dreams, and beliefs of the future...with no vision.
no vision........................................no passion.
no passion............................no drive
no drive...............no action
no action....no vida.
well I'm living my present with little passion. Sure I have some Action now, but it's not fueled by a vision, but the memory of having a vision.
I know I'm a better seed than I was then....but I stopped sharing. I don't feel that I've caped my heart, but I simply stoped pouring it.
But I'm just mentioning the areas I lack/wish to improve/return.
Dare I skip the positive changes/lifestlye I have?
I've developed a HABBIT of being open/vounerable/listening to, and sharing from the heart, where 2 years ago, that wasn't possible!
so now that I see I'm currently not IN that habbit anymore, I know what i'm missing, BUT.......BUT my cap IS off! I now know my heart and soul and whoever bunks me will get a spill. Every so often someone probes in, or I'll splash out and freely give them something they never expected.
I am a changed man.
just not living with a passion.
I have an appreciation for the real me.
I'm not ashamed of who I am anymore....I just lack the motivation to show it.
My Giliw has given me many gifts...gifts I hold within myself forever.
I no longer need to depend on you to love myself. But I wouldn't have gotten here without your love.
The love that had kept me strong in my time of weakness has strengthened me to finally "Take Care" I'd like to think it's a perminant strengthening it's given me....You've given me.
like tempered Pyrex™ is strong to handle heat because it's been through heat =)
Any glass can break of course and regardless of your jewelry choice, always take care to avoid trauma to your piercing. If your Pyrex does break, it should snap in two rather than shattering like most glasses.
that's good to know! I am still breakable, but i'm shatter proof! It's easier and quicker to mend a break than a shatter!
PS. If U got holes in yer body, be sure to check out TribalGlass.com
Currently Listening to: Sara Groves - Add To The Beauty
Currently Reading: Seed's heart, September 2004
Currently Watching: for Ashley's reply
Currently Feeling: poised
Whadduya feelin?
October 30, 2005 , 01:32 PM Introspections
PumpkinSeed
people pass
so I guess life doesn't go on for everyone.
loving my life, tho discontent with it....nonetheless loving it, and happy
happy with my past and my future.
rarely content with the present.......tho often close to content.
Why does it seem I only celebrate one birthday per person per year?
Each year, it's a different person......never to be celebrated again?
Have I ever celebrated my own birthday? Perhaps next year.
I'm in a weird slow-motion ranting mode or sumthin.
I miss typing.
I miss tabbing.
I miss the outpouring.
On the way home from church today, I got to thinking aobut the child molesting priests. I'm sure that's not why they chose that career. "oh - if I get this job, I'll get to be alone with lil boys! :D Oh joy!" No - certainly not.................right? Weren't these once young men with a passion to live out a life for God? Willing to sacrifice their desire for a wife and kids to do His work?
right?
I thot of them, because I thot of myself........Getting into my (dad's) car, there were some teen gurls standing by. I began to wonder why I'm afraid to greet them...and why I feel a need to connect with/befriend them?
It's not new. I feel that all the time, wanting to befriend females. I imagine my Bachelor Party with me, and 1 or 2 other dudes. I got some dude (male) friends, but usually I prefer connecting with the females.
So it came to me, that this all might be because there's a (natural/normal) need in me to have a close female connection, but because I don't have, and NEVER have had a GF or Wife, I seek out female friendships/connections so much. Perhaps that's my attempt of getting balanced. And PERHAPS when I do have "HER" in my life.....I'll begin to connect with dudes more, and actually want to be with dudes?!
Perhaps.
OR...........perhaps I'm just never gonna appreciate most dudes, cuz BLEH, yer so obnoxious and rude and perv, and competitive, and macho....................and everything I'm not, nor appreciate.
........No - that's not it. I know and am friends with dudes who don't fit those stereotypes, and YES, I enjoy their friendships much!
Yeah - I'm just off balance w/o "HER". Wonder when I'll finally be ready for "her"? I imagine I'm close. I imagine less than a year.
I imagine it's not my imagination
.......So if I'm off balance @ 24 y/o without my gurl.......how much more off balance can a dude get after years and years committed to be celebate and not even to date or anything. Good grief, that's not God's plan! And.......I'm sure Priests sneak with women.......perhaps even some that aren't nuns! But there they are, battling their nature, outside of God's plan for them........screwed up, with no way out........with youngins in their reach......youngins naieve enough that there's a good chance they won't tell.
hmm.
sad
and so I got myself in positions of leadership and where I'm seen to be heard.
I'm full of years of Leadership Trainings and Personal Development books, audios, and Seminars, a lifetime of sermons, 4 years of "higher education", and 1 year of introspection and feeling.
in 2001 or so, I felt like I was an Overcharged battery waiting to be set free
yet...........in these leadership positions, I revert to ASSISTING, keeping myeslf DEPENDANT on those more assertive than myself to direct me.
I wasn't happy with that.........but I think I may be realizing...I'm just not where I'm made to shine.
I'm okay.........just finding my nitch.
I will continue to charge my battery.....as I continue to search for my release.
release
Yes - release, I will!
Thanx for the support!
..................or maybe I am shining already.
Who said you have to be assertive to shine?
Maybe U just need ballz?
Currently Listening to: Rich Mullins - Sometimes By Step
Currently Reading: John 3
Currently Watching: my ballz
Currently Feeling: on hold
5 insights Xpresed
September 24, 2005 , 09:23 PM Introspections
PumpkinSeed
Your Love Style is Pragma |
 You believe love is logical - or at least it should be You've thought a lot about what you want from someone And to say you have a checklist would be an understatement You may even have a plan for how you will fall in love All you've got to do is meet the perfect person! |
The Keys to Your Heart |
 You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when everything is uncertain, one moment heaven... the next moment hell. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted. |
B- |
 Your senses are pretty sharp (okay, most of the time) And it takes something big to distract you! |
Your Inner Child Is Surprised |
 You see many things through the eyes of a child. Meaning, you're rarely cynical or jaded. You cherish all of the details in life. Easily fascinated, you enjoy experiencing new things. |
Your Kissing Purity Score: 97% Pure |
 You've hardly ever been kissed But the kisses you've given are very missed |
You are a Believer |
 You believe in God and your chosen religion. Whether you're Christian, Muslim, Jewish, or Hindu.. Your convictions are strong and unwavering. You think your religion is the one true way, for everyone. |
Shy and Withdrawn |
 People think you are shy, nervous, and indecisive. You're thought of as someone who needs looking after... People see you as a worrier who always sees problems that don't exist. Some people think you're boring. Only those who know you well know that you aren't. |
You Are Chinese Food |
 Exotic yet ordinary. People think they've had enough of you, but they're back for more in an hour. |
Your Blog Should Be Green |
 Your blog is smart and thoughtful - not a lot of fluff. You enjoy a good discussion, especially if it involves picking apart ideas. However, you tend to get easily annoyed by any thoughtless comments in your blog. |
Your Ideal Relationship is Serious Dating |
 You're not ready to go walking down the aisle. But you may be ready in a couple of years. You prefer to date one on one, with a commitment. And while chemistry is important, so is compatibility. |
Your Personality Profile |
 You are elegant, withdrawn, and brilliant. Your mind is a weapon, able to solve any puzzle. You are also great at poking holes in arguments and common beliefs. For you, comfort and calm are very important. You tend to thrive on your own and shrug off most affection. You prefer to protect your emotions and stay strong. |
You Are The Opposite of Machiavellian |
 You don't have a cynical, power hungry bone in your body. Honest and kind, you believe being a good person is the most important thing. While your upstanding morals should be admired, be careful! You're at risk for being manipulated and toyed with. |
Your Blogging Type Is Thoughtful and Considerate |
 You're a well liked, though underrated, blogger. You have a heart of gold, and are likely to blog for a cause. You're a peaceful blogger - no drama for you! A good listener and friend, you tend to leave thoughtful comments for others. |
 | You scored as Disappear. Your death will be by disappearing, probably a camping trip gone wrong or an evening hike you never returned from. Always remeber that one guy who was hiking alone and got in a rock slide. He could have died, but he cut his own hand off to save himself. Don't end up like him (or worse, dead).
How Will You Die?? created with QuizFarm.com |
You are Romans.
Which book of the Bible are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Currently Listening to: Kristian Walker - Simply Worship
Currently Reading: RSS from blogthings.com
Currently Watching: nope
Currently Feeling: resty
Whadduya feelin?
September 17, 2005 , 08:37 PM Introspections
PumpkinSeed
You are 33% Gemini
You are 27% Taurus
You are 27% Scorpio
You are 40% Libra
You are 7% Aries
You are 47% Aquarius
You are 40% Cancer
You are 67% Virgo
You are 80% Sagittarius
You are 53% Capricorn
You are 27% Leo
You are 73% Pisces
How much do you match your zodiac sign?
okay - I did them all.
why?
cuz I want to know if there's any truth to this idea that my date of conception has anythign to do with the way I think/feel/react/behave.
What sign do you think I am? Then again, you don't see my "other" sides that I show in different arenas, so maybe you couldn't guess the right answer.
I think I'm a taurus or Gemeni. but it seems like Stagitarious is more my sign. I think becca told me I'm an "air" sign. is Stagitarious also an "air"?
and I didn't like the quiz for Pisces becaue it was like the same question phrased 15 different ways. iz there only 1 trait to a pisces person?
I have a friend who's a scorpio AND Libra, and the questions seemed to mostly fit her. So apparently there's some truth to this thing....
but for now I'm sticking with my INFP personality profile to help me sort me out.
why do I spend my time w. these things?
I miss you.
Currently Listening to: Plumb
Currently Reading: quizez
Currently Watching: an IM with Brianna =)
Currently Feeling: curious
4 insights Xpresed
July 22, 2005 , 12:28 AM Introspections, inside the outside
PumpkinSeed
it's that I'm so sensitive and focused on things that I can't divert to the thing I need to do that's in front of me.
I have things on my mind.
I have people in my heart.
I have music in my ears.
and yeah, I got my share of worries/anxiety/chatter in my head - who doesn't?
so when I gotta sit and produce something (like homework) - my mind is everywhere else because those things/people are more meaningful and have my undivided attention.
I'm thinking these thots @ 2:59 am with my notebook in front of me. I need to write out some goals I need to share with someone who wants to hold me accountable so I acheive my goals....and my brother is playing music in the next room, and I'm 100% focused on the music, the lyrics, the guitar, the thumps, etc...and I sit immobilized.
Yesterday (as for every day the past week) I had the goal of e-mailing my resume to some jobs I saw posted on CraigsList, and an idea poped into my head for PumpkinSeed.tk, and I developed and executed much of those ideas for a few hours, VERY FOCUSED and UNDISTRACTABLE.
so I spent some hours to begin to create my new webpage, and learn some new HTML tricks...and begin to plan and execute the next upgrade to it.
so I AM a very focused person when I have a creative task in my mind. I have no trouble spending hours perfecting my resume, but i can't put 7 minutes into e-mailing it? huh?
Another thing is how I fully tune into other people - I sence where they're at and my energy and mood adapts to theirs. I've been seeing this as a fault because I feel like I'm not myself, and I'm always conforming to others.
But no - now I see it as a gift. Sure I need to learn how to do my own thing when i need to, and not be affected by others, BUT I can connect with people and meet them where they're at. They feel heard and understood. And yes - now I'm in a place where I can be an influence on them because they trust me now because they know I see where they're at, and am not just coming at them in an oblivious or insensitive manner.
I'm learning to identify my strengths. I'm very good at finding my "faults", but to each "fault" there's a strengh to be found on the other side of it. (I'm not talking about "character flaws", but personality flaws - they're not flaws at all, but modes of operation that work in some areas and don't work in others.
What's the flip-side to the parts of life you always screw up? What's that hidden strength you never noticed?
bla bla bla
okay - I gotta get back to my work, but make sure you check out the NEW PumpkinSeed.tk! and check it again in a few days, it should be even better!
ps. now how did I create this entry w. dan playing the music? Well the thought of this entry came to my head, and I cant rest my mind to focus on the task of writing my goals till I get this entry out, so my focus goes so STEADFAST to CREATING this entry that the music which had my 100% attention is now just background thumps.
I need to do creative work to be engaged & focused.
znarf!
Currently Listening to: Dan's mp3 collection
Currently Reading: cai's tab
Currently Watching: staring @ my notebook in front of me like da good ol school days
Currently Feeling: special..unique..gifted..
Whadduya feelin?
June 24, 2005 , 11:38 PM Observations, Introspections
PumpkinSeed
yeah - more and more I realize how I'm a big kid.......
and I'm beginign to see.....how EVERYONE is just big kids!
there's no such thing as grown-ups/adults, but rather kids who mastered certain disciplines
sure there are "old souls" - but heck - teenagers like _____ and I are old souls in a sence,
but we're also big kids
pastor ___? I see him as a big kid!
____ ________?? - he's sorta an adult
___? - no way - total big kid!....who's a workaholic!
___? - ha!
______ ______ - pfft!
aunt _____? - totally!
uncle ______ -no question!
aunt ________ - hell yeah
pastor ______?........hmm - MAYBE not - but yeah
there are the FEW balanced people who perhaps did grow inside
like...me and ___, and ______ - still big kids, but we found sumthin others haven't and..need to share those insights to peace and stability!
perhaps for some people, they peak @ maturity in their adolescents...in that they are the most true to themselves since infancy!
adolecsents, they set some...MANY philiosophies at that age
then screw the rest of their life away
is that why I feel called/burdened to them?
they're in a critical time - more than their childhood...cuz now they're making decisions and setting their OWN foundations....and need some friggin light and guideance!
"guiding light"
but I aint here to force or convince teens to nuthin
but 2 enlighten
and pray.
Currently Listening to: PumpkinSeed - Maggstore
Currently Reading: Intuition.pwd & Kath's Commentz, & norm's tabby
Currently Watching: for cool gurls @ WebDate.com :-D
Currently Feeling: okay :approve:
3 insights Xpresed
