Entries for July, 2006
July 18, 2006 , 04:38 PM favorite Living life :)
PumpkinSeed
I love you.
I accept you.
...even though I don't fully understand you.
I am honored to be your friend. Every time we talk I have a smile on the outside and on the inside.
I know what it is to worry about friends accepting me.
I know what it is to feel inferior and retreat from talking about myself.
I know what it is to need alone time.....LOTS of it.
I know what it is to feel my friends don't really care about me, or at least not the real me.
I also know how precious it is to know there are a few friends who are REALLY there for me...........in the rare instance I reach out to them.
I've also learned that just because they don't keep in touch doesn't mean I'm insignificant to them. It means they're human, and get swamped, and distracted with life, and immediate relationships.
Sometimes my friends don't keep in touch with me because they think I don't value them, and they would be a nuisance to me.
I am human. I am not the perfect friend (or relative). I let anxieties, shame, business, distractions, fear, accountability, thoughts of inferiority, and weariness keep me from reaching out..........but I still care for and love my friends. Like any long term relationship, it takes discipline to keep it growing close.
I also have learned that there are some people not to be trusted with important things (like my heart)....but still I will trust them with little things that they may have the opportunity to grow into a habit of responsibility.....that someday I'll see someone I can trust fully again.
I'm not really sure what you're all worked up about, _____. And frankly, it's you, not me. But remember, I'm just like you on the inside, in many ways. I thank God for YOU and my other friends....even those I'm scared to call.
But I thank God, and depend the most on my friends who DO reach out to me, and those who are Christ-centered. They are my strength, and sustenance.
I see you putting yourself down as an excuse to not open up. That hurts me, and that's not how God sees you, or wants you to think of yourself.
I TRUELY APPRECIATE the e-mail you sent me. It touched me with GREAT APPRECIATION and ADMIRATION for you. You truly have a tender heart. I think that's more admirable than all the confidence in the world. But still, I wait for the day you possess both.
You have so many great qualities, but you think it's a sin to admit them. Let the work God has begun in you SHINE to His Glory. May you develop them with practice and prayer to His completion in you. Don't be ashamed of the greatness that is in you.
You asked for forgiveness. Forgiveness granted! =)
I forgive you for not being a perfect friend or staying fully open. There's NO WAY I can hold that against you. I'm pretty darn good at it myself!!!! But truth is you don't have to be very open with me - in fact some argue that male and female friends shouldn't be too open with each other, lest it lead them to sin.
But honestly I see no other offence. I know you enough to know you have no malice towards me. =)
You give mention of repentance.
Very well......I guess that means you'll keep in touch more?
So will I be seeing you this November???
...or will you be attending in Chicago or Ottawa? this August, September, or October??
Accept who you are.
Accept your personality type.
Accept your needs.
Accept your feelings.
Accept your confusion.
Accept your fears.
Accept your temptations.
Accept your beauty.
Accept your imperfections.
Accept your greatness.
Accept your desires.
Accept your weaknesses.
Accept your strengths.
Accept your loveliness.
Accept your ministry.
Accept your responsibilities.
Accept your sexuality.
Accept that no good can come from YOU. Your soul is naturally wicked and can produce only evil.
Accept that there IS good IN you....it is the new creation/new nature God is working in you, Gloria A Dios!
Accept that God's goodness & love is in you to be LIVED OUT LOUD for his Glory.
Accept the fact that your steps are ordered by God....whom shall you CHOOSE to fear?
Accept your uniqueness.
Accept that you're just like everyone else.
Accept that you're worthy of a partner.
Accept that you'll NEVER feel ready
Accept that you're loved.
Accept that you're hated.
Accept that you're perception of yourself is biased against yourself.
Accept that your friends care for you, and will give you strength as you open up.
Accept that you have NO OBLIGATION to share anything with your friends. God is your ultimate confidant.
Accept that you're MISSED.
Accept that others are not better than you, no matter how much you FEEL less than them. That isn't reality.
Realize other's judgments and opinions of you are meaningless unless YOU give those very opinions meaning or weight.
Seek, Accept, and GIVE WEIGHT to God's opinions and judgments.....and GRACE and LOVE and CALLING for you.
Once you accept these things you'll be in touch with REALITY. You'll know where you need support, and where you can support others. You'll recognize where Satan WILL attack you, and be aware enough not to be ignorant and FALL AGAIN in that area of weaknesses. You'll see where you've been following God's path for you and where Satan's lies have convinced you that you're not a child or warrior of The King. You'll see where you've been holding yourself back in life for no good reason except your own biased opinions of yourself.
You want repentance?? What is repentance? At it's root, it's a discipline and redirection of your heart and thoughts.
All I could ever ask of you is to discipline your thoughts about yourself.....bring them to the reality God sees....not your self-perceptions.
I feel I can speak to you in this manner, in this detail, because I'm just like you.
I love you.
I miss you.
I'm here for you...........but I bet I'm not the only one who's waiting for a call.
See you November??? =)
~Andy
PS. If you got some quiet time, check out some sermons & teachings at my website:
Currently Listening to: My heart begin to pat again
Currently Reading: Juno Sent Folder
Currently Watching: for job offers
Currently Feeling: important
Whadduya feelin?
