PumpkinSeed
....
spent some more hours on WebDate.com
came across a few decient/interesting folx this time....so I guess there are some, just not locally. I challenged myself to contact some of em, simply to help me get over my anxieties of worrying what people would think of me if I reached out and contacted them! (greetings to any of ya that are visiting my tabby! Thanx for visiting! Cheers!)
So in my conversation tonight with Dorothy, I realized how perhaps the reason I choose to look to get to know new friends on the net instead of going to a social setting to meet some new friends, is that I feel safer to open up and be closer to "myself" in that safety zone of the internet, so I'm actually testing to see if they accept me BEFORE I meet them, so I won't be afraid to approach them in real life!
Wuss!
but most of all, I think I'm learning that my fears/worries/anxieties for the most part are unfounded, and if they were based on reality, that's not the kinda people I need to like me anyway!
sigh
I also saw that some of the pre-judgements I made about people based on their looks, poses, and clotes were quite inacurate as I got to reading about them.
....
but anywayz - yeah - Mr Lonely Seed just wants to hang out with friends, so he goes and searches the net for new ones, cuz the ones he gotz don't wanna make the time/effort, or simply can't hang out. Of course there's also the factor of how rarely I actually ask them, and the fact that there are some I'm afraid to ask due to assumptions, and feelings of unworthiness.
....But even so...I still connect with some of my exisitng friends on the net, and occasionally on the phone.
and how often when I'm done these conversations, I'm just smiling cuz yeah - they may not be in reach, and they may be out of touch for months or years, but I still have the coolest friggin friends possible! I'm so friggin blessed!
I'm afraid to mention them cuz I don't wanna leave any out by accident, but tonight I was blessed to chat with Dorothy and Hardy on the net, and phone.
There's a reason I miss ya's. It's not cuz I'm lonely, or ungreatful. It's cuz yer friggin awesome friends!
you even dare to be my mentors!....to challenge me to grow and take my risks.
luv all U gurls & guy!
Currently Listening to: my brother talking on the phone in his next-door bedroom
Currently Reading: MSN Messenger Chatz
Currently Watching: my inbox for replies
Currently Feeling: loved & blessed
2 insights Xpresed
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PumpkinSeed
yeah - it's like practice! ...but even tho it's practice, it's reality too because we're interacting with real humans! It's weird.
>especially when those friends are...well...let's just say lazy.
I've sometimes labeled them lazy and uncaring. I guess it just comes down to them not realizing just how much they mean to us?
of course I KNOW I have friends that LOVE AND MISS me, but I don't reach out to them....cuz I'm lazy & distracted!
Wonder how that makes them feel to know tehy haven't heard from me for months, or even years, and I'll spend hours browsing tabulas and WebDate.com instead of calling or writing to them!
PS: I just edited one paragraph to this entry:
"...cuz the ones he gotz don't wanna make the time/effort, or simply can't hang out. Of course there's also the factor of how rarely I actually ask them, and the fact that there are some I'm afraid to ask due to assumptions, and feelings of unworthiness."
PumpkinSeed
hmm...thanx for that reminder. Glad I came across this agian 2day.
yeah - "paranoid" is the word I never used before, but it describes it well. I know it well.
heh heh
Karaoke this Wednesday Night??