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Like a love without devotion, like a cloud without the rain; Like a heart without emotion, like a wound without the pain. Like a prayer without an answer, like a bird without a song; Like a hope without a future, like a night without the dawn. Without You, I am nothing; I am nothing without You; Only You can make something out of nothing; I am nothing without You. ~PAUL & RITA BALOCHE
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April 11, 2005 , 05:04 PM inside the outside, Living life :)

PumpkinSeed

The birds are singing to me.
2004-01-08 Sat
22:13-00:06


Can't you hear them too?


oh - it's in my head, huh?


Just got back from a rock show. For the first time, I went to see the band Steve does drummin in, THE COLDEST SON.

I believe there were 10 bands tonight. Before the 1st one was done, I was already hearing the birds singing to me in my head.

Next time I'll stuff a lil sumthin in my ears. I don't wanna be a wuss, but I need to protect one of my most valuable posessions/gifts. I think I'd rather loose my sight, and limbs instead of my hearing. Perhaps my USTA is more valued to me than my hearing? Perhaps.

Honestly, Steve was one of my 2 fav drummers tonight. He really rocked it with great rythm, and a great solo.

The other great drummer was Foley from STAY BEHIND: this lanky dude, with just awesome rythm.

So through the night, I was forcin myself to:

¤ not hide away or blend in
¤ not shut my eyes when I zone into the music
¤ look at other people, and even make & maintain eye-contact
¤ smile & make small talk w. strangerz
¤ let myself be seen
¤ be myself - the excentric head-banging, foot-stomping, groove filling rocker I am.

all these things are difficult for me, especially with 2 peeps from my church, and my brother are there, but I'm working on eliminating my silly worries....so I can be me.....so I wont be afraid to be seen & heard when I need to be.

The whole night, I was hoping some opportunity would arize where there would be a need for a singer, and I could fill that need for some songs I knew.

dang, I wanna sing.

=========

I was observing that nearly all of the crowd, and many of the band members were teenagers, and noticing the different aspects of the culture, I thought of some of ya's on Tabby that are teens. So this is what it's like to be a teen rocker in 2K5?

then I wondered just how much things have changed since I was in high school? How would I really know anyway, cus I never went to a rock show then!?!?!!!

Then I remembered hangin out with my rocker friends, THE TOKES....wondering whatever happend with all that great tallent??? ...Wishing I had seen them perform a show.

Then I began to notice...yet again, I felt alone. Here I am again, havin fun without my friends. No one to hug or dance with, and I don't have the ballz to make new friends here. Crap.

=========

As I heard quite a few of the singers, I was dissapointed, and encouraged:
Dissapointed in their voice or vocal delivery.
Encouraged that if people enjoy THEIR singing, I have nothing to worry about!

Now, sad to say, this is only the 4th rock show I've been to:
1998: Pearl Jam (& BenHarper) Concert, Continental Airlines Arena, East Rutherford, NJ
2004: Waking and some other bands @ The Mexicali Blues, Teaneck, NJ
2004: Waking, Marwood, etc @ the WFDQ Rock Qoncert, FDU SUB, Teaneck, NJ
2005: The Coldest Son, Break The Silence, etc @ Garfield American Legion, Garfield, NJ

This was the 1st time I wittnessed any moshing & thrashing! It really got me by surprise! I was freaked out where I saw it - Oh my! That looks....dangerous, and it's coming my way!

ok - I'm cool with the jumping, and headbanging
I'm quite understanding of bumping, shoving, and even grabing
but to see people running 'roud with fists flung at high velocity really freaked me out

I understand it as a great release! It must be a lotta fun, and get out a lotta pent up stuff, but geze - there are other people around ya!

Even if the same flailing was done with open hands instead of fists, I'd be cooler with it.

oh well

The last band up was BREAK THE SILENCE. I was really feeling their music, and for most of their set, I was 3 feet or less away from the singer. He really was passionate. Sometimes we were so close, I was surprised I didn't smell his breath!

So I avoided the mosh/thrash area the whole night untill the final 2 songs of their set, I decided to take my risk, and get out there.

I did my dance.

I danced hard.

I got dizzy!

I went back to the outer circle, and opened my eyes.....

then I went back in

I danced.

I danced hard.

I went back to the outer circle, and was welcomed with a nice SHOVE back into the circle

this time I had company

I got a lil whacked - nuthin to talk about

I smiled

I went back to the outer circle, and saw a dude urging me to head back in to join the others.

huh? hmmmm....okay...why not?

I saw his two arms out, pointing to the circle, so I slaped his two hands, as I ran back in.

USTA, BABY!!!!


So I got shoved aroud a bit, as I danced some more. Good stuff! =) no harm done to me, my tape recorder, or my glasses! =)


So I complemented the performers who really deserved it on their "GREAT JOB, MAN!", and headed out.


On the drive home I decided.....ya know what? I have this tape recorder and microphone with me from recording the bands, and I got some blank tape left. I know I sing the best in the car, so why not record me?



Currently Listening to: PumpkinSeed - Leash & Corduroy (Pearl Jam Covers)
Currently Reading: blog.pwd
Currently Watching: out for bird poo
Currently Feeling: almost me
Whadduya feelin?

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