June 1, 2005 , 02:26 PM Introspections, inside the outside

PumpkinSeed

retreat I'm retreating....

retreating from sharing me


not so much that my shell is up again....but I'm silent.

i


i don't feel safe aymore here




I just read an entry of raranada and then I realized just how shut I've bcome on tabby.

I change the background of my tabby, I post a quiz, and a questionare, post entries I initially wrote months before...

I read different tabbers silently leaving just a few nonchalant comments

I'm sorta back in my silent mode...

tellin myself it's just a phase, and I'm sure it iz....but it's a phase cuz I'll choose to resume words again, and not stay like this. Cuz being like this is what I know well, and I slip into it so easily w/o tripping any internal alarms....nearly fooling myself.


I don't want to live in cycles.


I need to always advance....so easy to get me sticky.


I begin to think that Tabulas is no longer the outlet for me it used to be, and I need to find a place...

there's some truth to that. The 2nd part is true. The 1st part is an excuse for me wanting to go back into hiding in this realm like I've done so well in the "real realm" for so long.



interesting things I do outta fear of my love.



I love U all, suckas!




^_^

why do my friends kick so much butt? I REALLY need them.


starting to get it through my thick skull that I can't be successful seed in any area of life w/o others....I just can't friggin do it alone. Not even art and music!

I'll figure this out....

we'll figure this out.

*_*

I love you.
I miss you.
I am sorry for the resentment in my heart... I only resent because you are precious to me, and it hurts.

friggin hurts.

salamat, giliws.

yeah, it's friggin ploural.

the resentment isn't of love, but of fear.....


perverted love.

but true love indeed.


===================
yeah - here I go again being vague with my words....that's what I do when I wanna speak from the heart in a public forum....still don't trust people to handle it




can't we all just get along?


where'd I leave my friends....hmmm...


wanna go karaoke tonight?


~seed
Currently Listening to: takity-tackity-tack
Currently Reading: what I just typed, silly!
Currently Watching: people round me in the library
Currently Feeling: responsible...
4 insights Xpresed

PumpkinSeed
*.* PumpkinSeed.tk *.*
Coming out of the Dark!
(FORMERLY: "Inside the Shell")

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