PumpkinSeed
it's that I'm so sensitive and focused on things that I can't divert to the thing I need to do that's in front of me.
I have things on my mind.
I have people in my heart.
I have music in my ears.
and yeah, I got my share of worries/anxiety/chatter in my head - who doesn't?
so when I gotta sit and produce something (like homework) - my mind is everywhere else because those things/people are more meaningful and have my undivided attention.
I'm thinking these thots @ 2:59 am with my notebook in front of me. I need to write out some goals I need to share with someone who wants to hold me accountable so I acheive my goals....and my brother is playing music in the next room, and I'm 100% focused on the music, the lyrics, the guitar, the thumps, etc...and I sit immobilized.
Yesterday (as for every day the past week) I had the goal of e-mailing my resume to some jobs I saw posted on CraigsList, and an idea poped into my head for PumpkinSeed.tk, and I developed and executed much of those ideas for a few hours, VERY FOCUSED and UNDISTRACTABLE.
so I spent some hours to begin to create my new webpage, and learn some new HTML tricks...and begin to plan and execute the next upgrade to it.
so I AM a very focused person when I have a creative task in my mind. I have no trouble spending hours perfecting my resume, but i can't put 7 minutes into e-mailing it? huh?
Another thing is how I fully tune into other people - I sence where they're at and my energy and mood adapts to theirs. I've been seeing this as a fault because I feel like I'm not myself, and I'm always conforming to others.
But no - now I see it as a gift. Sure I need to learn how to do my own thing when i need to, and not be affected by others, BUT I can connect with people and meet them where they're at. They feel heard and understood. And yes - now I'm in a place where I can be an influence on them because they trust me now because they know I see where they're at, and am not just coming at them in an oblivious or insensitive manner.
I'm learning to identify my strengths. I'm very good at finding my "faults", but to each "fault" there's a strengh to be found on the other side of it. (I'm not talking about "character flaws", but personality flaws - they're not flaws at all, but modes of operation that work in some areas and don't work in others.
What's the flip-side to the parts of life you always screw up? What's that hidden strength you never noticed?
bla bla bla
okay - I gotta get back to my work, but make sure you check out the NEW PumpkinSeed.tk! and check it again in a few days, it should be even better!
ps. now how did I create this entry w. dan playing the music? Well the thought of this entry came to my head, and I cant rest my mind to focus on the task of writing my goals till I get this entry out, so my focus goes so STEADFAST to CREATING this entry that the music which had my 100% attention is now just background thumps.
I need to do creative work to be engaged & focused.
znarf!
Currently Listening to: Dan's mp3 collection
Currently Reading: cai's tab
Currently Watching: staring @ my notebook in front of me like da good ol school days
Currently Feeling: special..unique..gifted..
Whadduya feelin?
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