June 7, 2005 , 06:30 PM Observations, Introspections, Living life :)

PumpkinSeed

friggin beautiful! ===^===
so happeh!

after a year, my 7 cheap CDR's full of mp3's are finally readable! If I didn't know the burn process claimed to be successful, I'd probably have discarded them long ago.

oh GLORIA!


for the 1st time, seriously listening to Staind's 4th album, "14 Shades of Grey" while reading the lrics

friggin beautiful!


I think I'm doing okay
And this is the smile
That I've never shown before
Somebody shake me 'cause I, must be sleeping

...

I'm so afraid of waking
Please don't shake me
Afraid of waking
Please don't shake me

...
And I feel like I can face the day
I can forgive
And I'm not ashamed to be the person that I am today


friggin beautiful! Thanx, Nyssa!


I wanna delve deep into this band - I've waited way too long! From the 1st time I heard "It's been a while" on the radio back in like 2000, I knew they were special, but never took the plunge.

===^^===

still didn't go karaoke yet - looks like it's on for 2morrow night. Maybe they'll have a Staind song there. I think they'd might have "It's been a while" - I can do that.


so scared.

I'm so scared to karaoke....but I just gotta do it. Cuz I know i'll kick butt and feel super for facing that fear.

I tried to go last wednesday, but I let the changing circumstances be an excuse not to go....then while getting lost driving in Bergen County, round 1:30AM, I passed a pub called "P. [Paul] Bunion" that mentioned Wednesday nights as karoke nite, so I did a U-Turn and poped inside.

Saw a sign saying "2 Drink Minimum" but went inside anyway, thinking I could pretend I didn't see the sign.

so I go in and it had people all like in their 40's to 60's, and they were singin old-school pop-rockabilly and gushy stuff.

So I chose Unchained Melody by Elvis Presley....and as I'm writing it on the lil paper, my hand is trembling, and I feel all tense. I don't even know how the Elvis Version goes (I only know the U2 version)

then a dude goes up and sings that very song. Feeling relieved, I crumple up the paper and search for 2 more tunes.

Finally choose Billy Joel's "Honesty" and The Beatles' "In My Life"...now that I think of it, a year ago, I think I mentally chose that Beatles song, but never submitted it when they had Karaoke @ La-La-No-Booze-A - I chickened out.

so I submitted my lil paper, and as I sat nervously and waited, the bartender came up to me and asked what I'll be having. Said if I wanted to sing, I need to buy 2 drinkz or food. I told her I don't drink. she said I could order sodas. I then told her the truth: I HAVE NO $! She let me know if i wanna sing, they gotta pay Mr. Karaoke dude.

so I thanked her, told Mr. Karoke dude to cancel my order, and drove off.

At least I tried

===^^^===

last nite, chatted with Arsi (and some others of ya) and it got me thinking today of how all these months I've been looking inside me so much....I've been loosing touch with my ol' passions of reaching out and impacting the politcal & social awareness, education and activism of others, and all that good stuff I can do to change the world for the better. But I don't regret lookin and dealing with everything going on inside...not one bit - I need to have the strongest insides to face the toughest outsides that I will face in my future! I aint gonna fall like others have before me. Kurdt didn't go down cuz of his circumstances, but because there was poop inside he never sorted & strengthened. Inside, he was smaller than his problems.

I'll be the 1st to admit my activity level sucks in most areas of life, but I know inside I've been growing so friggin deep and strong that when I'm "out there", facing the "real" crap of life, when I'm hit, I aint gonna fall, but I'm human, and I will fall time to time, but when I do, it aint gonna be for very long, or very far down...more like a stumble than a fall! Problems will come my way, but in the big picure, on the inside I'm growing bigger than those problems, and they're not gonna be problems at all...just situations to deal with or ignore.

Aleea, I see you doing this too. You may be facing crap now, but I know inside yer growing very wise and strong, where in your future, you'll be bigger than any crap to come yer way. Yer equiping yerself to acheieve dreams others are too weak to even consider beyond a daydream.

You may be dwelling in yer Depression_Box for this time, but I know you're destined to be a light_house for others!.....the Box isn't you, but yer cacoon that's only there to strengthen you so U can soar.

I say all that because I see something inside U that's not common enough these days.

.....friggin beautiful.



===^^^^===

I thot that was the end of my entry....but sumthin inside me says It can't end yet...cuz my heart misses it's excersize ....of being expressed.

friggin miss ya, giliw. where'd ya go?
Currently Listening to: Staind - Layne
Currently Reading: Staind Lyrix
Currently Watching: sun went down, my room is in only lit from minipute and iRiver
Currently Feeling: upswing
4 insights Xpresed

PumpkinSeed
*.* PumpkinSeed.tk *.*
Coming out of the Dark!
(FORMERLY: "Inside the Shell")

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