Entries for May, 2005
May 20, 2005 , 12:16 AM Introspections, inside the outside
PumpkinSeed
sittin
sittin...........
going through some images - reviewing a year before my eyes
one friggin lovely year
a freakin year.
and I don't want it to be just memories and learning experiences.
it's too frigin real.
I carry it with me every moment...who I've become - who I've abosorbed.
is it "carrying" when it becomes part of you?
browsed through my "friends" intently for the first time in quite a while. Good to see yer all still alive - the suicide bug hasn't gotten ya's! (:
miss the hours spent getting to know all of ya's...now it's just one hour every few months?
Instant Messaged a friend, "USTA ka na?"
"you there?"
no reply.
skimmed through the chat history log file - still I shed a tear.
waiting patiently.
this is "patiently" isn't it?
I realize I haven't blogged from the heart in quite a while....Janurary? Feburary?
weird being concious again....
miss living from the core...but I know I'll be back in a new and powerful way....musical again....creative again........biger than ever.
and I realize soon....very soon, my parents will discover my tabby. I aint really hiding it anymore.....
and I think of that before I type a word here......am I about to self-sensure myself in this realm too?
am I already
iz that why I haven't been bloggin much?
good to read through some posts by theo, aleea, kaith, norm, nikoz, and a bunch others......
I feel so distant where I've delved in so deep before.
good to see theo's still dream-hunting, and aleea don't let life get in the way of living and creating her future....
still have some heros in sight
spent some time on the piano earlier.....wondering just how uniqe it is, the souds it makes when I touch it.
staring @ one picture amongst the rest.......who's the one captured? the one in the pic or the one lookin @ it?
just
just wanting to use this outlet agin - to feel what I've felt before............. but I've grown or sumthin........
and
I dono......seems like .........it's time to sing instead of type
like my typing phase is over
type i will, but no longer as the final end.
yes. yes. PumpkinSeed.tk
"here usta abounds" indeed indeed!
commented to fairytales (clarisse) how I miss playing songs of a gurl
perhaps........perhaps there are some songs of a seed to be played
perhaps no longer looking outside for inspiration, but releasing the beauty within. the friggin passion locked away deep inside...
the pssion, not for a gurl, but for.......
well....
I gotta lotta passions locked away! I can pichk anc choose any.
not as inspiration - more like perspiration!
and so I type
takity-takity-tackity-tack......
and................my life is sTILL friggin good!
and toally blessed.
and I begin to doze
alone
but not for long.
dozin
dozin.......................................
and I see it.............
I see a mazgzune rating superb vlass special
manym inutes lat =======
huh? english?
I don't know what "vlass speical" is
and do I type
sleepyheadedly type, I do...
remembering the good ol days of sleep-typing ionstant message conversations....wonwdo
~~~~~~~~~~
and I wait
only got mr
when do I want to do wht I lov to do that Iwas afrait do f
and my head droops
I'm out sbout sbouu
snarf
and I miss my giliw
time I get a third one anways........
I love you, Andrew.
Currently Listening to: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Currently Reading: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Currently Watching: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Currently Feeling: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
2 insights Xpresed
May 20, 2005 , 10:24 PM favorite Observations
PumpkinSeed
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so
that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other
people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others."
from A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles
by Marianne Williamson
thanx kel
Currently Listening to: dan'z playing the CD Raj gave us
Currently Reading: Kell'z Journal
Currently Watching: Aleea's Photoz & Art
Currently Feeling: stirred
Whadduya feelin?
May 20, 2005 , 10:55 PM Introspections
PumpkinSeed
 | You scored as Loner.
What's Your High School Stereotype? created with QuizFarm.com |
ho-hum
Currently Listening to: 3 computer fanz churning out dust & air
Currently Reading: kelly's LJ
Currently Watching: kelly'z IM
Currently Feeling: not surprized
Whadduya feelin?
