PumpkinSeed
so i'll just show off my high-score:
I just feel bad i haven't posted any (public) posts here lately...so here ya go with one!
:D
~luvseed
Currently Listening to:
Currently Reading: images.google.com/imagelabeler
Currently Watching:
Currently Feeling:
Whadduya feelin?
April 9, 2007 , 01:15 AM favorite inside the outside
PumpkinSeed
<p>PumpkinSeed: i wont call you out as a sinner
PumpkinSeed: i wont point a finger at anything
PumpkinSeed: you haven't pointed at mine
PumpkinSeed: we're all in the same boat
PumpkinSeed: no matter how much i try to restrict myself
PumpkinSeed: it's no good towards my holiness or whatever
PumpkinSeed: of course i try to be the best me i can be
PumpkinSeed: it's not to appease god
PumpkinSeed: it's to live a better life
PumpkinSeed: it's to be a better husband and dad and lover
PumpkinSeed: and friend
PumpkinSeed: it's to help find PEACE for myself
PumpkinSeed: less for me to battle within
PumpkinSeed: less guilt
PumpkinSeed: less regrets
PumpkinSeed: and perhaps most of all
PumpkinSeed: it's to be useful
PumpkinSeed: for god
PumpkinSeed: it's not to appease him
PumpkinSeed: it's to serve him - to be available for his will
PumpkinSeed: to be able to help others in the boat with me
PumpkinSeed: to make it to safety
PumpkinSeed: to find true love
PumpkinSeed: if i do everything i desire - i live a life that's fun
PumpkinSeed: but i live a life distracted of my calling to reach others
PumpkinSeed: and i get lots of issues and situations to deal with from my actions
PumpkinSeed: again - keeping me distracted</p>
Currently Listening to: Brian Dokersen - Purify My Heart
Currently Reading:
Currently Watching:
Currently Feeling: worthy =)
Whadduya feelin?
August 26, 2006 , 02:38 AM Observations
PumpkinSeed
who wants to hold a real conversation of giving and recieving?
I may be quick to call someone a friend.....
......but I'm sure glad for the bunch od real ones that I have =)
Currently Listening to: State v. Darryl Ways Grand Jury
Currently Reading: State v. Darryl Ways Grand Jury
Currently Watching: my buddy lists
Currently Feeling: realism
Whadduya feelin?
August 21, 2006 , 09:54 PM Living life :)
PumpkinSeed
I have the envy of all cubicles...
(yes, that's a "foot pedal" for my head!)
...but I don't recall reading, "Human Pacifier" as one of my job descriptions...
...but my co-workers can't be beat...
...and occasionally family stops by...
...Isn't he friggin adorable? His name is Samuel Anthony Natal-Disney. I'm sorta his uncle...
I Call him "Sammy Juice"!
¡VIDA!
¡Glora a Dios!
Currently Listening to: Paul Baloche - most of his albums
Currently Reading: S.E.C. Vs. Lucent Technologies
Currently Watching: the cutsey-wootsie
Currently Feeling: pleasantly busy =)
Whadduya feelin?
August 8, 2006 , 10:14 AM Introspections
PumpkinSeed
Nope, that's me. No need to retake the test. =)
Interesting how it's so difficult to get anything done in life if it's not Media/Art related, or unless I feel like I'm helping someone (else) out.
So difficult to grasp my own ambitions to work towards.....
.....because I've hesitated to jump into the arts and creatiive thinking fields.
bla bla bla.
miss ya'll =)
~LuvSeed
Currently Listening to: Sammy breathe
Currently Reading: My LiveCareer report
Currently Watching: Sammy doze off
Currently Feeling: about to get another line
Whadduya feelin?
July 18, 2006 , 04:38 PM favorite Living life :)
PumpkinSeed
I love you.
I accept you.
...even though I don't fully understand you.
I am honored to be your friend. Every time we talk I have a smile on the outside and on the inside.
I know what it is to worry about friends accepting me.
I know what it is to feel inferior and retreat from talking about myself.
I know what it is to need alone time.....LOTS of it.
I know what it is to feel my friends don't really care about me, or at least not the real me.
I also know how precious it is to know there are a few friends who are REALLY there for me...........in the rare instance I reach out to them.
I've also learned that just because they don't keep in touch doesn't mean I'm insignificant to them. It means they're human, and get swamped, and distracted with life, and immediate relationships.
Sometimes my friends don't keep in touch with me because they think I don't value them, and they would be a nuisance to me.
I am human. I am not the perfect friend (or relative). I let anxieties, shame, business, distractions, fear, accountability, thoughts of inferiority, and weariness keep me from reaching out..........but I still care for and love my friends. Like any long term relationship, it takes discipline to keep it growing close.
I also have learned that there are some people not to be trusted with important things (like my heart)....but still I will trust them with little things that they may have the opportunity to grow into a habit of responsibility.....that someday I'll see someone I can trust fully again.
I'm not really sure what you're all worked up about, _____. And frankly, it's you, not me. But remember, I'm just like you on the inside, in many ways. I thank God for YOU and my other friends....even those I'm scared to call.
But I thank God, and depend the most on my friends who DO reach out to me, and those who are Christ-centered. They are my strength, and sustenance.
I see you putting yourself down as an excuse to not open up. That hurts me, and that's not how God sees you, or wants you to think of yourself.
I TRUELY APPRECIATE the e-mail you sent me. It touched me with GREAT APPRECIATION and ADMIRATION for you. You truly have a tender heart. I think that's more admirable than all the confidence in the world. But still, I wait for the day you possess both.
You have so many great qualities, but you think it's a sin to admit them. Let the work God has begun in you SHINE to His Glory. May you develop them with practice and prayer to His completion in you. Don't be ashamed of the greatness that is in you.
You asked for forgiveness. Forgiveness granted! =)
I forgive you for not being a perfect friend or staying fully open. There's NO WAY I can hold that against you. I'm pretty darn good at it myself!!!! But truth is you don't have to be very open with me - in fact some argue that male and female friends shouldn't be too open with each other, lest it lead them to sin.
But honestly I see no other offence. I know you enough to know you have no malice towards me. =)
You give mention of repentance.
Very well......I guess that means you'll keep in touch more?
So will I be seeing you this November???
...or will you be attending in Chicago or Ottawa? this August, September, or October??
Accept who you are.
Accept your personality type.
Accept your needs.
Accept your feelings.
Accept your confusion.
Accept your fears.
Accept your temptations.
Accept your beauty.
Accept your imperfections.
Accept your greatness.
Accept your desires.
Accept your weaknesses.
Accept your strengths.
Accept your loveliness.
Accept your ministry.
Accept your responsibilities.
Accept your sexuality.
Accept that no good can come from YOU. Your soul is naturally wicked and can produce only evil.
Accept that there IS good IN you....it is the new creation/new nature God is working in you, Gloria A Dios!
Accept that God's goodness & love is in you to be LIVED OUT LOUD for his Glory.
Accept the fact that your steps are ordered by God....whom shall you CHOOSE to fear?
Accept your uniqueness.
Accept that you're just like everyone else.
Accept that you're worthy of a partner.
Accept that you'll NEVER feel ready
Accept that you're loved.
Accept that you're hated.
Accept that you're perception of yourself is biased against yourself.
Accept that your friends care for you, and will give you strength as you open up.
Accept that you have NO OBLIGATION to share anything with your friends. God is your ultimate confidant.
Accept that you're MISSED.
Accept that others are not better than you, no matter how much you FEEL less than them. That isn't reality.
Realize other's judgments and opinions of you are meaningless unless YOU give those very opinions meaning or weight.
Seek, Accept, and GIVE WEIGHT to God's opinions and judgments.....and GRACE and LOVE and CALLING for you.
Once you accept these things you'll be in touch with REALITY. You'll know where you need support, and where you can support others. You'll recognize where Satan WILL attack you, and be aware enough not to be ignorant and FALL AGAIN in that area of weaknesses. You'll see where you've been following God's path for you and where Satan's lies have convinced you that you're not a child or warrior of The King. You'll see where you've been holding yourself back in life for no good reason except your own biased opinions of yourself.
You want repentance?? What is repentance? At it's root, it's a discipline and redirection of your heart and thoughts.
All I could ever ask of you is to discipline your thoughts about yourself.....bring them to the reality God sees....not your self-perceptions.
I feel I can speak to you in this manner, in this detail, because I'm just like you.
I love you.
I miss you.
I'm here for you...........but I bet I'm not the only one who's waiting for a call.
See you November??? =)
~Andy
PS. If you got some quiet time, check out some sermons & teachings at my website:
Currently Listening to: My heart begin to pat again
Currently Reading: Juno Sent Folder
Currently Watching: for job offers
Currently Feeling: important
Whadduya feelin?
April 28, 2006 , 10:48 PM inside the outside
PumpkinSeed
and I thot of tabby..........and how I don't like to be less than perfect here.
not only do I want you to love accept and like me.....I guess I'm still the friggin pharisee who wants to be seen as holy.
But tabby is the place where I'm not supposed to be an actor anymore......where I'm supposed to play myself.
so I just want to avoid it and not post any entries here.
I think of how silly this entry must be to anyone else reading it - because - yeah - of course everyone knows I'm not perfect cuz it's friggin impossible.
but I like to play myself as "perfect" in at least some areas of life.....and THANK GOD, somedays I am! Some weeks, and months I am!
but today, I've been less than perfect.
.....and I thot I'd journal anyway
Currently Listening to: Twila Paris - Perenial
Currently Reading: 1998 car reviews (Rivierra, Aurora, Montecarlo, Eldorado, etc.)
Currently Watching: altavista search results
Currently Feeling: tempted...human
Whadduya feelin?
April 12, 2006 , 01:33 AM Observations
PumpkinSeed
, and being chilly with a soar throat and gunked up passageways, I decide to inhale the steam...
yuck!smelled like
Silly of me to expect H2O from my faucet! Forgot it's H2ClFO
=)
so where have I dissapeared to the past few months?? I've been spending most my online "free time" in the MySpace world.
miss me here?
care to Join me there?
Currently Listening to: tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock-tick
Currently Reading: Acts 12 & James 4
Currently Watching: Terami's vid I downloaded
Currently Feeling: silent
Whadduya feelin?
